Day 10

Well, Spring Break is basically over. I haven’t done everything on my to do list. I never get it all done, but I do feel like I had a balance of productivity and relaxation this week. I still have this weekend to get some more stuff done, particularly work stuff because I haven’t really worked since Monday. Oh, and I haven’t done my taxes yet either, so maybe I’ll tackle those this weekend, too.

As for eating, well, I haven’t had desserts or chocolate or candy, so I guess that’s a win, but I do feel like I’ve just replaced those with other things like one night I had a couple of glasses of wine (hello, sugar) and tonight I ate some cheddar/caramel popcorn (duh, sugar there). It’s been frustrating that the scale hasn’t gone down this week even after days that I thought I did well. Today I sort of ate my feelings and didn’t really pay attention to what was going in, just that it wasn’t desserts or chocolate or candy. Doctor’s appointment is in one week…

Working out has gone okay this week. I went to Planet Fitness on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and did C25K Week 2 this week. I think I’ll move up to Week 3 next week and see how that goes. I’m not that optimistic that I’m going to be able to do it as it is written because jogging is still not easy at all, but I’m going to try. On Tuesday, I cleaned quite a bit, so there was a lot of movement there. On Thursday, I went on a walk on the trail by where I live. I didn’t really keep track of my distance or time very well, but I know I went between 3 and 3.5 miles. It felt good and it felt like I was walking at a good pace. It was really windy but that sun was out and the temperature was around 70 degrees, so I’m glad I went.

My mood has been really down the last couple of days. I’m just in a funk and I’m not sure how to get out or if I want to get out. There’s a lot to think about if I let myself think about it so it was nice to sort of zone out tonight and watch three episodes of the new season of Queer Eye while playing games on my phone and eating that stupid popcorn. I just don’t feel great about myself in a few ways. Life hasn’t turned out the way I ever thought it would and most of the time I’m okay with that, but these last few days I haven’t been okay with some stuff. I like my job; I recognize that I have a really good job. I like being involved in the things I’m involved in, even though it’s probably too many and I should get rid of one or two things on my plate but I’m not sure how to do that or who to ask to take over for me. I like that I know I can be independent and live on my own and be okay. I’m just confused as to why I feel this way and frustrated about why I can’t seem to get other parts of my life together such as my body and how I feel about it and my relationships and why no one seems to want to marry me or, at least, no one seems very sure about it. Maybe I’m not meant to be married. Now that I’ve lived on my own for awhile, I very much value my alone time and my space here. I do want a house sometime with a yard so that I can have a dog, but I could do that without being married. I just don’t know why the idea of marrying me is so scary to other people or so repulsive that they don’t want to do it. I’m nice. I don’t think I’m high maintenance. Why does it take so long for others to figure out if they want to be with me or not? Sometimes I just wish I could actually talk to God and figure out what He’s trying to tell me. Do these feelings mean that I should figure out how to move on and just be content by myself? Or am I supposed to be where I am? Is this where He wants me? I know I need to pray more. I just find it really difficult to know what He’s saying back.

Good Night.

Day 6 – good day, for the most part

A Monday. But, the Monday of Spring Break. I slept in and it felt oh so good. My legs were sore and stiffish and I wasn’t sure how a workout would go, but I went to Planet Fitness and I did C25K W2D1 and I did it exactly as written. It wasn’t easy, but I could feel my legs loosen up a bit by the end. When I came home, I stretched and that felt really good. Tomorrow, I will go back to the gym but I won’t do a C25K day. I’ll probably do the treadmill for awhile (walking) and then I should try the elliptical. I used to do the elliptical so easily but every time I try it now, it’s tough, so I need to do it in order to get better. Maybe I’ll do some of the leg machines, too.

As for eating, today went well, I think. I had a bagel after I came home, showered, and got ready. Then I went to work for the afternoon. Was definitely hungry when I got home around 5 or a little after, so I had dinner – a salad and leftover chicken casserole from yesterday’s family gathering and two pieces of buttered bread. That was it. No sweets. No chips. And I was definitely full. Oh, and I watched three episodes of Grey’s Anatomy. But, then it was a little after 8 and I did housework type stuff the rest of the night so it was good to not sit on my butt and think about wanting chocolates. My stomach was a little upset in-between watching TV and doing housework, and I have no idea what that was from, but I felt okay the rest of the night. Hopefully I will see a weight decrease on the scale tomorrow. Only 11 more days until my doctor’s appointment, and I’d like to lose a few more pounds before then.

It’s only a little after 10 but I think I’m going to go to bed and try to read this book that I’ve been reading forever. I need to stay off my phone more, especially before bed.

Day 5 – a planned cheat day

Went home this weekend because my parents were hosting a birthday party for my grandma (her 80th). Drove up on Saturday, got there just after 1pm and hit the kitchen. We (my boyfriend and I) helped mom with the cake, the casseroles, the dishes along the way, setting up the tables and chairs, etc. I enjoy helping people, especially family. It’s nice to be useful and to do stuff rather than just sit around. But, it was tiring. I did not eat anything dessert-like or chocolate or candy on Saturday. Mom even offered ice cream and I said no, but we did get Subway for dinner and I ate quite a few salty snacks (Gardettos and Combos mostly).

Then came Sunday, and I knew this was going to be my cheat day. Lost an hour of sleep that night because of Daylight Savings. Bleck. Went to church then back to my parents’ house and we were in charge of cooking the casseroles, prepping the kitchen, tidying up the bathrooms, etc. Well, we had some time to kill so a nap was in order. Not sure I slept a long time but it was a good little nap, I think. Got up at 10:30 and started the prep work. Mom and dad both had things after church that kept them there. Mom was almost the last person back to her own house, but my boyfriend and I handled everything. We cooked the casseroles, we set up the veggies, we welcomed people (sort of), we got the drink area ready. As people arrived, that meant more food arrived. There wasn’t a lot of extra space for all that food, but we figured it out. I thought there was going to be a lot of leftovers, and there were leftovers, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that my family knows how to eat and there weren’t as many leftovers as I thought there would be.

As for dessert, I had a piece of carrot cake and two scoops of cookies and cream ice cream. Then, we cleaned up. I did the dishes. I convinced some family members to play two games of Euchre, and once everyone left, Mom was getting leftovers for us to bring back. I brought back two pieces of carrot cake, and we ate them tonight when we got back to Bloomington and before my boyfriend went to his house. So, that’s that. I don’t think I did too badly considering there was a whole other cake and a chocolaty thing that my cousin made that looked good. Plus the ice cream. I could have had more ice cream and I didn’t.

So now, moving forward. This week is spring break. I have plenty to do to keep me busy and also maybe some thoughts of relaxing and watching some Netflix or something like that. I’m back to no desserts, no candy, no chocolates, etc. Sugar that is in things is okay, to a degree. Like, fruit is fine. And Noosa if I have it for breakfast. So, we’ll see how this goes. I don’t have any more planned cheat days until Easter. Oh, except Mom and Dad might host Easter for the family. And, if they do, Mom suggests having it on Easter Saturday which would mean this no desserts thing might end one day early.

Okay, that’s it for tonight to recap the weekend. I’m tired. First thing on the to do list tomorrow is the gym. C25K W2D1 (again).

Day 3 – a Friday

This morning I did not work out. Instead, I went to work to get some stuff done before a couple of meetings that I had in the late morning and early afternoon. I was not completely surprised, but was disappointed, to see a weight gain of 2 pounds from yesterday to today. I think that’s a result of my dinner last night (pasta) and just my body holding onto some extra stuff.

Today, not eating sweets/dessert was a bit more difficult because I went to the IU union for one of my meetings and I really wanted to get a no bake cookie from Sugar & Spice. But, I didn’t. Then, after making dinner tonight with my boyfriend, I really wanted to say “get the bag of chocolates” but I didn’t and we couldn’t because we had plans to go to a symphony thing at church, so that was a good way to avoid being home where there are those temptations. However, after the symphony I wanted to say, “Let’s stop for ice cream.” but I didn’t say it seriously and instead we came home and continued on with the night. I had to clean some vegetables to take home for a family gathering this weekend, so, again, I had things to do to keep me busy. However, I did have a glass of wine. It wasn’t good wine, but I did have it.

I won’t blog tomorrow because I will be at my parents’ and they don’t have wifi. On Sunday, I am allowing myself to eat a little bit of dessert at the family gathering, but I will not over indulge. I’ll try to remember to write again on Sunday night.

Day 2

One secret to not eating candy, desserts, etc. is keeping busy. I didn’t eat dinner in front of the TV, I ate at the table. I was on my phone, but still. I think I walked away from the kitchen afterwards so that I wasn’t thinking about dessert or sweets or adding anything else to my stomach. Oh yeah, I did laundry, so yes, I walked away from the kitchen. I also had a meeting outside of my house this evening so that kept me busy and not thinking about eating anything else. So, today was another success in terms of not eating junk food.

I also made it to the gym this morning. It was difficult to wake up, although I’m not sure why. But, I did get there and I did C25K Week 2, Day 2. I did W2D1 last Tuesday, so it had been over a week and it wasn’t the easiest thing to get through, but I did it. Right now the plan is to do W2D3 on Monday, then I’ll see how I feel about moving onto Week 3 or repeating Week 2 the rest of next week. I still don’t know how people enjoying running. Other than the feeling of accomplishment afterwards, I don’t enjoy the process of it yet. Not sure if I’ll ever get there.

At the gym, I also did my two normal arm weights machines – arm curls and arm extensions. The first set was pretty easy, the second got tough toward the end and the third set was tough about halfway through and then to the end. My arm muscles haven’t been sore the next day for awhile. I think I need to increase the weight for the first set and see what happens. I also probably need to explore more of the machines and/or the free weights, so that will be a goal of mine for next week which is spring break.